Sunday, June 28, 2015

12 Honeymoons -- And Finding Your Passion

I've just finished my latest romance novel--12 Honeymoons.

While on the surface the story is about finding love, the core of the story is really about finding your passion.

It took me almost 40 years to figure our my passion for this writing thing even though I'd done it for most of my life--even as an Intelligence Analyst. I mean, I've kept journals since I was 7 or 8. The best thing my mother did was buy me my first diary. I wrote my first word and never stopped writing. I write more now than in any other time of my life. And as I reflected on the joy I felt in doing this thing, I kept asking myself over and over again -- Why in the world could I not have figured out that I was meant to be a writer sooner? 

That's one of the key themes of my newest romance novel--finding your passion, directly as a result of this question to myself. And I came up with this theory about theory about how people find their passions--and why it doesn't matter which road you take as long as you get there.   

Some people are born knowing exactly who they want to be. I think of someone like Michael Jackson. I mean he was practically moonwalking in the crib. He was born knowing exactly who he wanted to be and he was driven to do that until he died. Music was a part of the fabric of his life, of his being, and he never thought or considered doing another thing. For some people, it's that easy...and that hard. 

Others have ZERO clue about their passions or their callings, so they kind of wander around life from thing to thing to thing to thing, trying to find that ONE thing that drives them, that brings out the best in them, that awakes their souls. To those on the outside looking in, they seem flighty or unfocused, but in truth I believe the lack of focus is a sign of hopefulness. They try and try and try but just can't figure out the passion--yet and still they haven't given up. 

Then there are people like me. They know EXACTLY what they are supposed to be, what they are called to do, where their true passion lies. And they've known it from a young age. But they talk themselves out of it. Tell themselves that the dream is impossible. They don't have training, the education, the looks, the knowledge, the energy, the will, whatever. So, they flit around from thing to thing succeeding or failing miserably. You can succeed miserably if you're succeeding in something you have no true passion for. And you're driven by this debilitating misery and constantly hitting ceilings and brick walls and road bumps dead ends, all of which I believe, are designed to guide you to the thing you truly love. It's the most painful process of elimination EVER. And the journey feels unnecessary, but I believe, in many cases, it is very much necessary.  

I would not have the LIFE EXPERIENCE to pull off the romance books I've written or this J.J. McCall series if I  had not taken the significant detour from writing so early in my life. I'd probably still be a good writer--but then what the hell would I write about? Nothing quite as interesting as the subjects of my books today--that's for certain! 

Bottom line is no matter which route that you take to get to your passion, your calling, the thing you were meant to do above any other, enjoy the journey and use it as fuel to help propel you forward in whatever stage you find it. 

Monday, July 9, 2012

The State of Your Mental: 7 Signs You May Not Be as "Okay" as You Think

I'm just coming out of a depression. This came as quite a surprise to me because I had no idea that I was actually in a depression. As I think about what I am about to write here, I'm not certain why it's such a big a surprise given my life over the past few months. First, I found a lump under my armpit. While I knew that to be a sign of lymphoma/leukemia, for me, it actually turned out to be nothing. Praise God. But the stress of knowing it was there until I found out it was nothing was almost unbearable. The day before I found out my lump was nothing, my mother died of uterine cancer (a huge, aggressive uterine tumor), just six weeks after I found out she was ill, and the day before her appointment to get scheduled to have a hysterectomy and have it removed. The day after I returned from my mother's funeral I found out that I too had uterine tumors and would need to have a hysterectomy—a similar issue that had just killed my mother. Yep. This was my life inside of about one week.

Yes, I was sadder than sad. Afraid. A bit panicked. But I had no idea I was depressed even though I should have expected it. To me, I was just "okay."

Everyday, I got up and went to work. I took care of my son. I continued trying to write novels, although found it a little more difficult to concentrate. I social networked, although maybe curtailed it a bit. This was my view of my life. Overall everything seemed relatively normal to me. And every time someone would ask me how I was doing, I would say, "I'm okay."

 My dad knew better.

He's been keeping an ultra eagle eye on me through all of this, especially since I began my post-surgery recovery, and I couldn't figure out why. When he'd ask how I was doing and I would tell him "I'm okay," he would say, "No, really, how are you doing?" I now realize he saw in me what I didn't.
If depression can happen to me it can happen to anyone. And the thing is, you don't always know you're in that dark place until you return to the the light again. But as I look back on this period in my life, these are a few signs that I should have realized signaled something wasn't quite right with the state of my mental.

1. Insomnia. If you can't sleep, even with a sleep aid, you might be depressed. I had problems sleeping. Even taking Percocet!I went to bed exhausted. Woke up in the middle of the night. Sat up for hours. And usually fell asleep right before my natural body clock was preparing to wake me up. The lack of sleep was really the first part of the depression cycle for me...everything else kind of went downhill from there.

2. Lack of energy. If you don't have the energy to go about your usual day, you might be depressed. For me, every day was a slog. I thought I was just exhausted from the lack of sleep but now I realize that my lack of energy was probably part of the whole avalanche effect that comes with depression. You're depressed so you can't sleep. You can't sleep so you have no energy and the couch becomes your best and worst friend.

3. Emotionally Withdrawn. If you don't want to socialize or talk to people (and you usually do), you might be depressed. My friends and family would call to check on me and I couldn't talk. Not wouldn't talk, couldn't talk. The thing was I thought I couldn’t talk because I was tired and had no energy from the lack of sleep. No, mentally I was just in a dark place and didn't want to have to tell people I was "okay" when somewhere inside I felt like a hundred pounds of hot diarrhea. Bleck.

4. Over-eating or Under-eating. If you don't want food or want too much of it, you might be depressed. I'm an emotional eater anyway. So when I came out of surgery wanting to scarf down everything in front of me then I should have known something was off, especially with all the pain and medication. When I came home, I didn't want to eat at all. If my dad didn't come and prepare my meals, I probably wouldn't have eaten much of anything for the first few weeks. Didn't want food.

5. Irritable. If you're cranky with the ones you love you might be depressed. I was a big time cranky pants, snapping for no apparent reason. And I'm usually way more even-tempered...nice even. But between the pain from the surgery, the sleeplessness and the lack of energy, I thought a little crankiness was to be expected but as I come out of my slump I realize, no, I was really depressed.

6. Emotional Meltdown. When you overreact emotionally to something you'd normally take in stride, you might be depressed. Okay so the power went out in the house last week due to a freak storm. When the power came back on, I only had power in half the house. I'd never heard of such. So, immediately I thought the problem must be with my electrical system. And all I could think about was the thousands of dollars it would cost to hire an electrician and get the stuff replaced. When it rains it pours, and boy did I let it pour. I cried and cried and cried. But as I laugh about it today, I realize now I wasn't really crying about the electrical. It was the first time I had really good cry (even with my diagnosis) since my mother's funeral and the surgery.

7. Loss of focus/concentration. When I'm down in the dumps, I usually write my way out of it. Well, because of the above I couldn't focus well enough to do the one thing I love more than anything else I could do in this world. At that point, I should've known something was really wrong. Me not writing? Unheard of. In two years I haven't started. Thankfully my mojo is coming back--and you have this blog to prove it.

Experiencing one of these symptoms at a time may be tolerable. But experiencing most or all of them at the same time is a huge red flag. My cousin Mary Lou described depression as being "sneaky" and she is so right. It crept up on me without my even being aware. If you get a cut you bleed. Depression is not that clear cut. You have to be aware of your body’s warnings. If someone had told me (as my father tried to), that I was in a depression, I would've said "no, I'm okay." I wanted to share this blog because it might help someone else who is in the State of Denial on the State of their Mental. When we are dealing with stressful lives and traumatic situations, we have to be mindful of how we "really" feel. We may not be as "okay" as we think!

The Good News: I’m coming back
What Doesn’t Kill You Will Only Make You Stronger!

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